Carol was a prostitute, but she didn't want her grandma to know. One day, the police raided a sex party at a hotel and arrested a whole group of prostitutes, Carol among them. The police took them outside and had all the prostitutes line up along the driveway when suddenly, Carol's grandma came by and saw her granddaughter standing in line.
Grandma asked, "Why are you standing in line here, dear?" Not willing to let her grandmother know the truth, Carol told her grandmother that the policemen were there passing out free oranges and she was just lining up for some."Why, that's awfully nice of them. I think I'll get some for myself,"
and she proceeded to the back of the line.
A policeman was going down the line asking for information from all of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, he was bewildered and exclaimed, "Wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it?" Grandma replied
"I just take my dentures out, rip the skin back and suck them dry."
The policeman fainted.
2016-09-22 13:37:20 (3)maurice
2016-09-22 13:36:42 (2)maurice
A guy walked into a bar with a pet Alligator by his side. He put the Alligator up on the bar. He turned to the astonished patrons and said, "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my privates inside. Then the 'gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my privates, unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."
The crowd murmured their approval.
The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The 'gator closed his mouth, as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and hit the alligator on the top of its head. The 'gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered.
The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone £100 who's willing to give it a try."
A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up at the end of the bar, and a woman timidly spoke up.
"I'll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with a bottle."
The crowd murmured their approval.
The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The 'gator closed his mouth, as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and hit the alligator on the top of its head. The 'gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered.
The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone £100 who's willing to give it a try."
A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up at the end of the bar, and a woman timidly spoke up.
"I'll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with a bottle."
2016-09-22 13:35:19 (1)maurice
A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman, and ordered a glass of champagne. The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too! "
"What a coincidence," he said, "This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating."
"This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating!," says the woman.
"What a coincidence," says the man. As they clinked glasses he asked, "What are you celebrating?"
"My husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today my gynaecologist told me I'm pregnant!"
"What a coincidence," says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer. For years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally laying fertilized eggs."
"That's great!" says the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?"
"I switched cocks," he replied.
She smiled and said, "What a coincidence!!
"What a coincidence," he said, "This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating."
"This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating!," says the woman.
"What a coincidence," says the man. As they clinked glasses he asked, "What are you celebrating?"
"My husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today my gynaecologist told me I'm pregnant!"
"What a coincidence," says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer. For years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally laying fertilized eggs."
"That's great!" says the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?"
"I switched cocks," he replied.
She smiled and said, "What a coincidence!!